Everybody Wants Some!!   Leave a comment

Fresh off directing one of the most ambitious films ever made, Richard Linklater moves on from Boyhood to young adulthood with Everybody Wants Some!! Titled after the great Van Halen song, Linklater pens a fun and honest look at college life in 1980. Many events in the film are loosely based off Linklater’s experiences as a college freshman athlete.

Our wide-eyed main character Jake starts us off driving down the highway in a ’72 Oldsmobile coupe blasting “My Sherona” before he anxiously arrives at his Texas-based college he’ll be attending for the next four years. Right off the bat we get well acquainted with his housemates/baseball teammates he’ll be living with for the next four years. Linklater smoothly introduces us to a slew of colorful characters that we’ve all probably met before throughout our own college experiences. As different as everyone might seem, there is a fun instant chemistry among the guys. Two evident things they can all agree on is that baseball and chasing tail are the current main priorities in life. One great scene early on is with some of the guys in the car looking for girls to invite to their upcoming party while singing along to every word of The Sugar Hill Gang’s “Rapper’s Delight.” I thought if this were today, most people would just be in the back seat texting. This is a time where people engaged with other humans because that’s all there was and I think the film really delivers on romanticizing the benefits of not having constant distractions in our lives. I love that there really isn’t one recognizable actor in this film. They all just look like guys you’d see in college. Not to take anything away from their performances of course, but I’m amazed how Linklater continually casts really genuine people which gives every one of his films a very genuine feel.

I guess “Everybody Wants Some!!” is being compared to his 1993 classic “Dazed and Confused” and rightly so. It only takes place a year after “Dazed” and the loose plot structures are similar. Both films focuses on short time frames. “Dazed” follows several students on the last day of school and ends after a late night party and “Everybody” takes place in the course of a weekend right before classes start. I still feel that both movies have their own swag. College just has a different feel than high school. Some student’s motives are similar like getting trashed and chasing tail, but these characters have more of a sense of who they are or who they’re likely going to be. In high school nobody knows squat. I liked the wise upperclassman character, Finn, who accepts that he most likely won’t play professional baseball but wants to appreciate it while it lasts. Most of the guys are in the same boat as well. They know that they’ve got it good right now being the scholarship athletes they are, but they understand that they’re peons when it’s all over. Call me a youngling, but I also found it fascinating that 18 was legal drinking age in 1980. So of course college wins over high school here.

Everybody Wants Some!! may not pan out to be the cult classic Dazed and Confused has become but I think it’s still a relevant observation of the high rolling college life of 1980. Regardless of the decade you grew up in, there’s a fun atmosphere this movie gives off that’s irresistible. Linklater captures all the subtle details from guys just hanging out talking about records to the cruel hazing that goes on for college freshmen. It also features one of the funnest  soundtracks I’ve heard in years: The Knack, Blondie, Van Halen, Dire Straits, and the Sugar Hill Gang captures the turn of the decade beautifully. And much like the soundtrack Everybody Wants Some!! is a well crafted and sensible adventure of the unknown transitions we all find ourselves stumbling through in life. I highly recommend this comedy as a great end of summer movie watch.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)   Leave a comment


As a life long fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise, I care very little about canon, and more about “major league butt-kicking.” I found this take on the Turtles to be very entertaining despite it’s shortcomings.

It’s pretty low concept. Bad guy wants to destroy things and get rich and somebody or something must stop it. Minus 1993’s TMNT III (the time traveling one) Turtle movies have never really fried your brain Christopher Nolan style. The lack of plot and story structure are actually a result of constant fan bitching. Michael Bay apparently wanted to mess with the origin of the Turtles and quickly learned that this could result in a hanging or a deadly Hollywood explosion of some nature. It’s not popular for someone who grew up with it all to say it, but a fresh new take on the franchise wouldn’t have killed anyone. But it seems disgruntled fans truly believe that their childhoods would disappear Back To The Future style if studios don’t stick to the same story we’ve heard for the last 30 years. So as a result of this several script changes and scenes had to be re-shot and led to an eight month delay. You can really thank Al Gore and his “internet” invention thing for that. It truly is a miracle something coherent came out of this mess.

And like most big budget movies these days, where the story lacks in originality and character depth, the special effects and action do make up for it to a degree. There are some really nice action sequences that genuinely blew me away. There’s a snowy downhill chase that didn’t seem to end until the budget said so, but a lot of fun when you add four turtles sledding down the hill on the backs of their shells. It reminded me of how much fun you can have watching a movie.

The Turtles in the flesh and April O’Neil (Megan Fox)


In this Turtle movie we see our heroes being able to do a lot more physically in motion capture CGI compared to the early 90’s Jim Henson puppet suits. I guess this benefits better for the human actors who actually have real actors to interact with rather than a tennis ball on a stick. As an old school fan I’ll always prefer the live Jim Henson costumes not only for the sake of nostalgia but they still look pretty good to me. There’s no substitute for a real life thing when you know you can touch it. Nevertheless the new CGI turtles look pretty stinkin’ real with solid voice acting to match the actors body language. Unfortunately the non CGI characters are less convincing at being life like. I was rooting for our protagonists April O’Neil and Vern Fenwick played by Megan Fox and Will Arnett to be a fun dynamic duo but there’s very little chemistry between them. Fox doesn’t quite have the personality to pull off the likability that April should have. I thought pairing her with Arnett would help but he doesn’t really play to his strengths either as he portrays sort of the awkward doofus of the film rather than that self absorbed jerk we love him for on Arrested Development.

Regardless of the film’s watered down feel I still want to see more of this particular Turtle world. With an origin story in place and our characters established the next film is less likely to get in its own way again. And there’s still an untapped resource that we have yet to see from any of the live action films: Bebop, Rocksteady, Baxter Stockman, Krang. Heck even Pizza Face would be fun. Well, maybe for Pizza Hut to advertise, but the list goes on and that’s why this franchise will too.

The Charasmatic Pizza Face

Posted June 7, 2016 by Nick Vitto in Uncategorized

The Lobster   Leave a comment

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There are certain movies that come out where you read the premise and get the general idea of how it might play out. The Lobster is not one of those movies.

After lazily skimming over the synopsis on IMDB I had to re-think what I had just read. In The Lobster according to The City laws single people are required to move to a specialized hotel in hopes of finding a partner. If they fail after 45 days they are forced to be transformed into an animal of their choice. There you have it. The most ridiculous plot I have ever heard of at least for a rom-com. Which is why I needed to see this by all means necessary.

David, played by Colin Farrell, has just checked into the hotel with a dog who was once his brother. David is recently separated from his wife of nearly 12 years who had cheated on him. Now it’s time for him to move on or he must become the animal of his choice which is a lobster.

There are some strict rules in the hotel. One of them is a ban on masturbation which we see is an offense punishable by a hand being inserted into a toaster. There are ways to add time to their stay by hunting down former guest who have escaped. They’re known as “the Loners.”

The guest are forced to attend dances to mix and mingle with each other. It’s also encouraged for people to find similar flaws which hint at compatibility such as nose bleeds, limps, lisps and near sightedness.

Desperate to avoid his impending animal transformation  David falsely convinces a cold hearted woman that they are a match by acting just as callus as she does. But she eventually sees through his ruse. David has no choice but to run to the forest and become one of the Loners.

As we’re introduced to the Loners we find that they have formed their own set of rules to counter the hotel. Masturbation is now fair game for all. Talking to the opposite sex is allowed but any flirting is prohibited. But David who is short sighted finds he is compatible with one of the Loners, a short sighted woman played by Rachel Weisz. She sees he’s a match as well. All hell breaks loose from here.

The Lobster is often layered with dark subtle humor but there are moments of absurd slapstick that you can’t help but laugh out loud. Seeing Colin Farrell kick a small girl in the shin had me in stitches. Odd tonal shifts are of the norm throughout the two hour film which doesn’t make it easily watchable for all viewers, but many will find the ridiculous setup enjoyable.

As a single male in my horrifyingly late twenties I couldn’t help but fantasize how my stay at the hotel would play out. Dead dog I would presume. Sadly I don’t see our society differing too much from this nightmare hotel. I think we put way too much pressure on ourselves to find love. I certainly grew up with the impression that I’d be married with kids by now. But alas I can’t even afford a studio apartment. Dating apps are a weird avenue no one should venture down but some people would do anything to not spend another minute alone.

Before we obsess about whether we’re compatible with the opposite sex we should first be compatible with ourselves. If that means choosing to be a lobster rather than the common dog then so be it. I, on the other hand, am not an animal!

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Miles Ahead of the Norm   2 comments

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Moments before Miles Ahead graced the silver screen I sat in an empty theater with my mind racing with anticipation. I was excited, nervous, mostly embarrassed that I was the only twenty something in town interested in seeing a Jazz biopic. But there were bigger fish to fry here.

As a music biopic junkie this is the white whale I’ve been waiting for. Ever since I discovered the incredible works of Miles Davis during my sophomore year of high school I knew there had to be a great movie somewhere in his life. I’ve always considered his work a catalyst for opening up my taste in music and always thought a movie would have the same influence on the rest of the world. Easy enough.

At around the same time I was being blown away from hearing “Kind of Blue” for the first time, the smash hit biopic of Ray Charles was released. Yes it was somewhat depressing and hard to watch such a beloved artist do such un-PG-like things, but the music was fun, and Jamie Foxx was absolutely electric as Ray. A year later Johnny Cash’s biopic Walk the Line would follow in the same successful fashion. Jon Stewart called it a great remake of “Ray with white people.” Biopics were hot.

Its been over ten years since those movies came out and the music biopic genre has sort of been beaten to death with every cliche imaginable. I mean, did anyone really say to themselves, “Yes, we need a Bobby Darin movie!” or “Hey, I think Mark Anthony and J-Lo would absolutely kill it as Hector Lavoe and his wife!” But they keep coming and they keep sucking. Sometimes we get a treat like I’m Not There Yet or Get On Up, but as entertaining as they may be it’s still hard to escape the dreaded cliches of a music biopic. They even made a movie called Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story which perfectly pokes fun at every cringe worthy trope the genre has to offer: messed up childhood, rise to success, downfall to drugs, infidelity, and then a cheery recovery.

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This is where my nervousness for Miles Ahead comes into play. To be honest I never thought this movie would get made or even wanted it after all this time. I recall Don Cheadle being attached to direct, write, and star in this project for nearly a decade. He seemed like a perfect choice to play Miles. He had the look, range and the coolness down perfectly. But what studio would want to push a biopic of a Jazz musician that the average film goer probably hasn’t even heard of? The backing for the film was definitely an issue, but not as much as Cheadle’s unclear vision for this passion project. He knew an artist like Miles deserved more than just a run-of-the-mill crapfest we’ve seen time after time. And Mr. Cheadle made damn sure that wasn’t the case.

After pitching around ideas with the Davis family, Cheadle finally realized that the most important thing that this film needed to get right was the essence of Miles Davis. In the first scene we see an old Miles lecturing his interviewer: “If you’re gonna tell a story, come with some attitude. Don’t be all corny with this s***.” Suddenly I felt confident this was going to be something different.

We start off in the five year silent period of Miles Davis when he stopped releasing new material. He’s secluded himself into a hermit lifestyle in a messy New York apartment battling a creativity block of epic proportions. Aside from a few flashbacks this is about as historically accurate as the film gets right and deliberately so.

From there we’re introduced to David Brill (Ewan McGregor), a fictional Rolling Stone writer, peskily trying to get the inside scoop on Miles’s silence. They eventually become accomplices. Through this relationship we get some insight on Miles’s past flashing back to his genius work as a young composer and the struggles with his relationships and drug addiction throughout the years. While the flashbacks can tend to feel a bit cliche they blend appropriately with what Miles is dealing with in his current state as a tortured artist. We then find out there’s a secret tape session that Miles may have worked on at Columbia Records. Word gets out about this tape and people want it. Bad people. This is where the movie takes a real left turn. It’s now become a straight up caper with gangsters and gunfights.

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In the midst of all this absurdity, involving one of my music heroes engaging in drive-by shootings that never really happened, I found myself completely immersed in all of it. Thanks to Don Cheadle’s masterful portrayal of Miles and his debut work behind the camera which is nothing short of brilliant. It all works on the same level that Davis’s music works; It’s brilliant but it’s always on the move looking for unique change. The 100 minute flow of Miles Ahead mirrors this exactly. Ewan McGregor mentioned in a real Rolling Stone interview, “It’s less a Miles biopic than an attempt to cast Miles in a caper flick that he *might* like to have been part of.” That’s a hell of a way to change it up.

Miles Ahead may not be perfect in every capacity, but it’s totally committed to what it set out to do. The music selection represents Miles’s essence spot on and is complimented by superb shooting from debut director Don Cheadle. And while some may have problems with the authenticity of the story, it never fails to be an interesting glimpse into the mind of a true genius. “Let’s be musical about this s***. Be wrong strong, otherwise lay the f*** out,” says Cheadle as Davis coaching his band before a studio recording. Thus sums up the ambition of this film perfectly. Miles Davis would eventually make his come back in the early 80’s experimenting with something different, engaging, and miles ahead of the norm.

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I Don’t Always Review Comedy Albums, But When I Do, It’s Always Bob Saget   Leave a comment

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Unless you’ve been in a coma since the mid 90’s, before Michelle Tanner fell off a horse and lost her memory in the season finale of Full House, then everyone should know by now that Bob Saget’s standup routine has become synonymous with the lowest form of filth. It’s unbelievably tasteless, and Bob Saget knows this better than anyone.

He’s also well aware of the fact that for eight, yes, EIGHT seasons he played an uptight, neat-freak father who was so schmaltzy that it made just about every TV critic puke. Not to mention his side job as the high-pitched-talking host of the original America’s Funniest Home Videos. The name Bob Saget had become a punch line. But when Bob was no longer obligated to be ABC’s good natured dad, it was time for him to spread his wings. But little did most of us know that those wings were covered with poop and sex jokes.

In 2007, Bob released a one-hour HBO special, “That Ain’t Right.” It featured Bob in all his Saget-ness. Despite his junior-high rapid fire gutter jokes, he admirably took plenty of shots at himself and the laughable image that made him famous in the 90’s. One stand out bit was a song he performed called “Danny Tanner Was Not Gay,” sung to the tune of the Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way.” He defends his character’s sexual orientation while surfacing many new details from behind the scenes of Full House that we never wanted to know about – “I never slept with Dave Coulier, but Kimmy Gibbler got it this way.” This angle is what makes Saget so fun to watch as a comic. There’s no getting around who he was known for, and he wants to be the first to laugh at himself while dragging his own name deeper through the mud. It’s a twisted act and voice he’s developed, but he owns it.

Six years later Bob has released a new one-hour special featured on Showtime, “That’s What I’m Talkin’ About.” Bob has aged sort of like a fine wine, that’s been chilling in a urinal full of ice. It starts off exactly where he left off, stating, “I don’t want to offend anybody, I want to offend everybody.” He’s also well aware that since his last special, people who grew up watching him are adults now, and forewarns the audience; “Oh, I grew up watching you.” “Good, cause now you’re gonna go down watching me.”

His rapport with the audience is actually one of the most sincerest I’ve seen from any comic and is one of the funnier nuances of this performance. I believe I counted at least four fist bumps with audience members in the front row. And he hasn’t forgotten about his fans in the back rows either: “What’s your name, bro?” “J-Bone” [Bob’s eyes widen as if he were about to be hit by a train] “Where the f*** am I?” But Bob knows exactly where he is and what his audience wants to hear him say as he caters to their every need. He feeds off this young and drunk college crowd adding to his endless energy of rant-style joke telling.

What Bob may lack in tightly structured joke telling and writing, he makes up for it with a great ability to tell twisted stories of his life. I mean, if you’re on a show with a big cast like Full House for eight years, you’re bound to have at least a few amusing anecdotes. He doesn’t disappoint, as he tells a horrendous story of about an episode they did, that I remember far too well, with a donkey that kept getting an erection on set. In the episode the donkey’s name was Shorty, but off camera Bob called him “Peppermill.” Do the math. Another great story is called “John Stamos and The 8 X 10.” It involves Bob Saget, John Stamos, Dave Coulier and Bob’s nephew as they decide to take a trip to Vegas. Let’s just say it involves a naked Coulier and Stamos’ tongue. Don’t do the math on that one yet. Just give it a listen if you’re so inclined.

The last part of the show is Bob’s infamous song singing time. He does about five songs, most of which are rather somber sounding, but filled with plenty of dirty lyrics to satisfy. A standout that will remain stuck in your head for most of the day, is the upbeat, “Butt Plug Made of Leather.” All of these songs are fine musical comedy additions, but none of them could top his swan song, “Danny Tanner Was Not Gay,” featured as the final bit in his previous special.

Bob Saget is that friends’ dad who is more immature than you are, but you still secretly want to be just like him when you become a dad. It’s truly amazing how young at heart and upbeat he remains despite all the personal tragedies he’s had to deal with in his life. But for those in need of a break from high society for an hour, there’s no better way to spend it than listening to some solid poop and wiener jokes heavily featured in “That’s What I’m Talkin’ About,” which is now available on Netflix Instant. You can shrug him off if it’s just not your kind of humor, but don’t forget, “everywhere you look” Bob Saget “is waiting to carry you home.” Those words are truer than I’d like them to be.

This article was originally featured in the exceptional comedy album review website, Comedy-Reviews.

HOOKed on Blu-Ray   2 comments

November 1st will most likely mark the pinnacle of my life. Sadly, it will only go down from there. Weddings and child births will just be blips on the radar compared to something I like to call “Hook on Blu-Ray Day.”

This December marks the 20th anniversary of its theatrical release. I was only 5 years old when I saw it on the big screen, but it’s still one of my most vivid and cherished memories. I can even remember before the feature presentation, they played MC Hammer’s “Addams Groove” music video to promote the modernized Addams Family remake. I don’t know why that stuck with me, but it did, and that’s what makes this memory even more awesome.

It amazes me how many people my age still have fond memories of Hook. It also amazes me how many negative reviews were written upon its release. To those reviewers, you remind me of what happen to Peter Pan when he grew up. He lost his sense of fun and fearless attitude. He forgot how to fly, or a better example, he became an adult. So think about what you’ve done, you angry overpaid critics.

As a blu-ray guru I’ve been waiting for this news for quite some time now. If Steven Spielberg’s current track record of high-definition transfers are any indication of what’s to come, then Hook fans are in for a real treat. The 1080p picture will make us think we’re watching it for the first time. Kind of like Peter finding his happy thought again. Bangarang!

Epic Alien Invasion Dream (The Evening of July 12th)   3 comments

It starts off with me on a beach with Jack Black. He has an Incredible Hulk tattoo on the front of his neck for whatever reason. All of the sudden Jack gets abducted along with hundreds of other people at the beach in a really sweet looking spaceship. Green fog spreads down from the ship and once the fog touches someone it beams them up to the ship. I just barely miss the abduction as I barrel roll several times away from the fog. I quickly learn that the world has become post-apocalyptic.

Now I’m in a van with Charlie Day from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. We are now in Philly driving by all the wreckage done by alien ships. We see Citizens Bank Park (Phillies’ Stadium) and Lincoln Financial (Eagles’ Stadium) only slightly damaged. I say to Charlie, “Hey, now we can run around on the Linc and nobody will stop us.” He smirked, but was still really depressed in light of the recent events. We find a facility that holds some of the aliens that were captured by humans. Steven Spielberg and John Williams (in need of a haircut) are in charge of the facility and after their extensive studies they explain everything to me about the alien origins, which I don’t remember. The aliens are called Hygras, which kind of looked like human-tiger-people that are strong swimmers and can breathe under water for a long time because they have fins and gills or some sort of unknown breathing mechanism.

I’m now traveling with my friend Dave and Steven Spielberg, who decided to come along with us. Spielberg has become the hard nosed leader of our expedition and would yell at me quite often as if he were disappointed in my value to the team. We’re now back in Lancaster, driving through town with a trailer we found that has been modified for survival and attack purposes like the one in Stripes. The last thing I remember is when we stopped at a convenient store to stock up on water, snacks and anything else we could find useful to protect ourselves from the aliens. I remember being pretty excited about free snacks, hence Spielberg’s disappointment with me. This is about when I woke up. Considering how the plot kept thickening, and how tense everyone was getting, I’m pretty sure there would have been some pretty sweet alien battles had I kept dreaming. Thankfully, my dreams have been pretty vibrant lately so maybe it will recur someday.